Act III

Stop that melodeon, now will ye, and we’ll have a taste of the cocks. Paul didn’t see them yet what they can do. Where’s Tommy? Where in the earthly world is Tommy the Song?

He’s over there in the corner.

What are you doing there, Tommy?

Taking a mouthful of prayers, I am.

Praying! did anyone ever hear the like of that? Pull him out of the corner.

What is it you were praying for, I would like to know?

I was praying that we might all soon die.

Die, is it?

Is it die and all that porter about? Well! you have done enough praying, go over there and look for the basket. Who was it set him praying, I wonder? I am thinking it is the first prayer he ever said in his life.

It’s likely it was Paul. He’s after talking to him through the length of an hour.

Maybe it was. Don’t mind him. I said just now that when we were all dead and in heaven it would be a sort of drunkenness, a sort of ecstasy. There is a hymn about it, but it is in Latin. “Et calix meus inebrians quam praeclarus est.” How splendid is the cup of my drunkenness!

Well, that is a great sort of a hymn. I never thought there was a hymn like that, I never did.

To think, now, there is a hymn like that. I mustn’t let it slip out of my mind. How splendid is the cup of my drunkenness, that’s it.

Have you found that old bird of mine?

Who has been searching among the baskets. Here he is, in the basket and a lot of things over it.

Get out that new speckled bird of yours, Paddy, I’ve been wanting to see how could he play for a week past.

Where do you get the cocks?

It was a man below Mullingar owned this one. The day I first seen him I fastened my two eyes on him, he preyed on my mind, and next night, if I didn’t go back every foot of nine miles to put him in my bag.

Do you pay much for a good fighting cock?

Laughs. Do you pay much, Paddy?

Perhaps you don’t pay anything.

I think Paddy gets them cheap.

He gets them cheaper than another man would, anyhow.

He’s the best cock I ever saw before or since. Believe me, I made no mistake when I pitched on him.

I don’t care what you think of him. I’ll back the red; it’s he has the lively eye.

Andy Farrell had an old cock, and it bent double like himself, and all the feathers flittered out of it, but I hold you he’d leather both your red and your speckled cock together. I tell ye, boys, that was the cock!

Those free drinks of yours, Paul, is playing the devil with them. Do you hear them now and every roar out of them? They’re putting the cocks astray. He takes out a cock. Sure they think it’s thunder.

There’s not a man of them outside there now but would be ready to knock down his own brother.

He wouldn’t know him to knock him down. They’re all blind. I never saw the like of it.

You in here stood it better than that.

When those common men drink it’s what they fall down. They haven’t the heads. They’re not like us that have to keep heads and heels on us.

It’s well we kept them out of this, or they’d be lying on the floor now, and there’d be no place for my poor bird to show himself off. Look at him now! Isn’t he the beauty! Takes out the cock.

Now boys, settle the place, put over those barrels out of that. They push barrels into a row at back. Paul, you sit on the bin the way you’ll get a good view.

Open this door.

That’s Green, the Removable; I know his voice well!

Clear away, boys. Back with those cocks. There, throw that sack over the baskets. Quick, will ye!

Outside. Open this door at once.

Outside. I insist on this door being opened.

What do they want at all? I wish we didn’t come into a place with no back door to it.

There’s nothing to be afraid of. Open the door, Charlie. Charlie Ward opens the door.

All J.P.’s; I have looked at every one of them from the dock!

Mr. Ruttledge, this is very sad.

This is a disgraceful business, Paul; the whole countryside is demoralized. There is not a man who has come to sensible years who is not drunk.

This is a flagrant violation of all propriety. Society is shaken to its roots. My own servants have been led astray by the free drinks that are being given in the village. My butler, who has been with me for seven years, has not been seen for the last two days.

I am sure you will echo Mr. Dowler, Algie.

Indeed I do. I endorse his sentiments completely. There has not been a stroke of work done for the last week. The hay is lying in ridges where it has been cut, there is not a man to be found to water the cattle. It is impossible to get as much as a horse shod in the village.

I think you have something to say, Colonel Lawley?

I have undoubtedly. I want to know when law and order are to be re-established. The police have been quite unable to cope with the disorder. Some of them have themselves got drunk. If my advice had been taken the military would have been called in.

The military are not indispensable on occasions like the present. There are plenty of police coming now. We have wired to Dublin for them, they will be here by the four o’clock train.

Gets down from his bin. But you have not told me what you have come here for? Is there anything I can do for you?

Won’t you come home, Paul? The children have been asking for you, and we don’t know what to say.

We have come to request you to go to the public-houses, to stop the free drinks, to send the people back to their work. As for those tinkers, the law will deal with them when the police arrive.

Oh, Paul, why have you upset the place like this?

Well, I wanted to give a little pleasure to my fellow-creatures.

This seems rather a low form of pleasure.

I daresay it seems to you a little violent. But the poor have very few hours in which to enjoy themselves; they must take their pleasure raw; they haven’t the time to cook it.

But drunkenness!

Putting his hand on the shoulders of two of the magistrates. Have we not tried sobriety? Do you like it? I found it very dull? A yell from outside. There is not one of those people outside but thinks that he is a king, that he is riding the wind. There is not one of them that would not hit the world a slap in the face. Some poet has written that exuberance is beauty, and that the roadway of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. But I forgot—you do not read the poets.

What we want to know is, are you going to send the people back to their work?

Oh, work is such a little thing in comparison with experience. Think what it is to them to have their imagination like a blazing tar-barrel for a whole week. Work could never bring them such blessedness as that.

Everyone knows there is no more valuable blessing than work.

Idleness is the curse of this country.

I am prejudiced, for I have always been an idler. Doubtless, the poor must work. It was, no doubt, of them you were speaking. Yet, doesn’t the Church say, doesn’t it describe heaven as a place where saints and angels only sing and hold branches and wander about hand in hand. That must be changed. We must teach the poor to think work a thing fit for heaven, a blessed thing. I’ll tell you what we’ll do, Dowler. Will you subscribe, and you, and you, and we’ll send lecturers about with magic lanterns showing heaven as it should be, the saints with spades and hammers in their hands and everybody working. The poor might learn to think more of work then. Will you join in that scheme, Dowler?

I think you’d better leave these subjects alone. It is obvious you have cut yourself off from both religion and society.

The world could not go on without work.

The world could not go on without work! The world could not go on without work! I must think about it. Gets up on bin. Why should the world go on? Perhaps the Christian teacher came to bring it to an end. Let us send messengers everywhere to tell the people to stop working, and then the world may come to an end. He spoke of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Perhaps it would be a good thing to end these one by one.

Come away out of this. He has gone mad.

Ah! I thought that would scare them.

I wish, Paul, you would come back and live like a Christian.

Like a Christian?

Come away, there’s no use stopping here any longer.

Sternly. Wait, I have something to say to that. To Charlie Ward. Do not let anyone leave this place.

To Tinkers. This is nonsense. Let me through.

You have come into a different kingdom now; the old kingdom of the people of the roads, the houseless people. We call ourselves tinkers, and you are going to put us on our trial if you can. You call yourselves Christians and we will put you on your trial first. I will put the world on its trial, and myself of yesterday. To a Boy. Run out, Johneen, keep a watch, and tell us when the train is coming. Sabina, that rope; we will set these gentlemen on those barrels. Tinkers take hold of them.

Keep your hands off me, you drunken scoundrel!

Tie all their hands behind them.

We’d better give in, there’s no saying how many more of them there are.

I’ll be quiet, the odds are too great against us.

The police will soon be here; we may as well stay quietly.

Here, give it to me, I’ll put a good twist in it. Don’t be afraid, sir, it’s not about your neck I’m putting it——. There now, sit quiet and easy, and you won’t feel it at all.

Are all their hands tied? Now then, heave them up on to the barrels.

Ah! yes, you are on my barrels now; last time I saw you, you were on your own dunghill. Let me see, is there anyone here who can write?

Nobody.

Never mind, you can keep count on your fingers. The rest must sit down and behave themselves as befits a court. They say they are living like Christians. Let us see.

Oh, Paul, don’t make such a fool of yourself.

The point is not wisdom or folly, but the Christian life.

Don’t answer him, Thomas. Let us preserve our dignity.

Yes, let us keep a dignified attitude—we won’t answer these ruffians at all.

Respect the court! Turns to Colonel Lawley. You have served your Queen and country in the field, and now you are a colonel of militia.

Well, what is there to be ashamed of in that? Answer me that, now.

Yet there is an old saying about turning the other cheek, an old saying, a saying so impossible that the world has never been able to get it out of its mind. You have helped to enlist men for the army, I think? Some of them have fought in the late war, and you have even sent some of your own militia there.

If I did I’m proud of it.

Did they think it was a just war?

That was not their business. They had taken the Queen’s pay. They would have disgraced themselves if they had not gone.

Is it not the doctrine of your Christian Church, of your Catholic Church, that he who fights in an unjust war, knowing it to be unjust, loses his own soul?

I should like to know what would happen to the country if there weren’t soldiers to protect it.

We are not discussing the country, we are discussing the Christian life. Has this gentleman lived the Christian life?

He has not!

His sergeant tried to enlist me, giving me a shilling, and I drunk.

Singing.

Stop your mouth, Tommy. This is not your show. To Paul Ruttledge. Are you going to put a fine on the Colonel? If so I’d like his cloak.

Now we’ll try Mr. Dowler, the rich man. Holds up his fingers in a ring. Mr. Dowler, could you go through this?

Don’t answer him, Dowler; he’s going beyond all bounds.

I was a rich man and I could not, and yet I am something smaller than a camel, and this is something larger than a needle’s eye.

Don’t answer this profanity.

But what about the cloak?

Oh! go and take it.

You drunken rascal, I’ll see you in the dock for this.

You’re encouraging robbery now.

Remember the commandment, “Give to him that asketh thee”; and the hard commandment goes even farther, “Him that taketh thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also.” Holding out his rags. Have I not shown you what Mr. Green would call a shining example. Charlie, ask them all for their coats.

I will, and their boots, too.

Uproariously. Give me your coat; I’ll have your boots, etc.

Wait till the police come. I’ll turn the tables on you; you may all expect hard labour for this.

To the Tinkers. Stand back, the trial is not over. Mr. Green, these friends of yours have been convicted of breaking the doctrine they boast of. They do not love their enemies; they do not give to every man that asks of them. Some of them, Mr. Dowler, for instance, lay up treasures upon earth; they ask their goods again of those who have taken them away. But you, Mr. Green, are the worst of all. They break the Law of Christ for their own pleasure, but you take pay for breaking it. When their goods are taken away you condemn the taker; when they are smitten on one cheek you punish the smiter. You encourage them in their breaking of the Law of Christ.

He does, indeed. He gave me two months for snaring rabbits.

He tried to put a fine on me for a cock I had, and he took five shillings off Molly for hitting a man.

Your evidence is not wanted. His own words are enough. Stretching out his arms. Have any of these gentlemen been living the Christian life?

They have not.

Coming in. Ye’d best clear off now. I see the train coming in to the station.

The police will find plenty to do in the village before they come to us; that’s one good job.

One moment. I have done trying the world I have left. You have accused me of upsetting order by my free drinks, and I have showed you that there is a more dreadful fermentation in the Sermon on the Mount than in my beer-barrels. Christ thought it in the irresponsibility of His omnipotence. Getting from his bin. Charlie, give me that cloak. He flings it back.

Aren’t you going to punish them anyway?

No, no, from this out I would punish nobody but myself.

We’d best be off while we can. Come along, Paul, Sibby’s gone.

Well, good-bye, Thomas; I don’t suppose I’ll see you again. Use all I have; spend it on your children; I’ll never want it. To the others. Will you come and join us? We will find rags for you all. Perhaps you will give up that dream that is fading from you, and come among the blind, homeless people; put off the threadbare clothes of the Apostles and run naked for awhile. Is going out.

You have nothing against me, have you, Paul?

Oh, yes, I have; a little that I have said against all these, and a worse thing than all, though it is not in the book.

What is it?

Looking back from the threshold. You have begotten fools.